I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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