He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
