I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
