it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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