He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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