bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
