he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
