So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
