She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
