They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
