You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
