kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
