dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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