even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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