We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
