ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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