If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
