Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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