How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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