He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
