So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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