Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
