Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
