I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
