ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
