Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
