Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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