and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
is it fun? or sober?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
