Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
