This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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