I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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