oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
