I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
