How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
