I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
being pregnant is like rehab
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
