I got chris browned last night
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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