i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
