as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
