Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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