TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
