It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
