I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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