I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
