Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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