I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
