Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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