Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
