Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
