Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
