the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
