He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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