Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
