I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
