we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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