the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize