I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
