i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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