I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
