u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
