You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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