The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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