Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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