Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
