I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
