I cannot find my penis.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
