remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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