Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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