Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just found puke in my bra..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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