I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
