you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
