I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Even my vagina gasped.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize