She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
