he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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