I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
