Betty ford says i'm here all night
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
