Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
