based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
