Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
