I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
