Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
