I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
