im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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