i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
