You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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