yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
