I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
