I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
