Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
