she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
