just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
