would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
