I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
