and you said cock pushups were impossible
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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