i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
