No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
