the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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