Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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