Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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