I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
pray to the hookup gods
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
