Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
