becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
