HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
