OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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