I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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